Childhood Memories That Stick

Some childhood memories cling to me like the thick white glue from those old bottles—sticky, impossible to shake off, lodged in places I never expected. My childhood years were tough, and many of those days are embedded into my brain.

The Good Memories

There were moments of peace and joy: the smell of salty ocean air, the scent of fresh-cut grass on a breezy summer day, playing under the beautiful weeping willow tree in our front yard, making mud pies on Dad’s old sawhorse tables, and dancing and singing like no one was watching—even though the boys down the street would taunt me. These memories feel good. Even though I was often alone, they gave me a sense of peace after masking for hours at school or drowning out the worrying of what tomorrow would bring

The Hard Memories

Other memories are harder to carry. My mother’s criticism when I tried my best but never seemed to meet her standards. The chaos at school—desks flipping, classrooms full of anxiety. The rejection from kids who turned away or ran when they saw me. These are the memories I want to leave behind, tucked away in the shoe closet with dusty collectibles from a childhood full of instability.

Foggy and Forgotten Moments

Some memories I can’t get past, or I can’t remember how they unfolded. They’ve become cloudy and foggy. Is it age, PTSD, or anxiety that blocks them? Maybe forgetting is a good thing. Perhaps it’s my mind’s way of protecting me from pain.

Trauma in the Present

Even today, trauma shows up in unexpected ways. Nightmares return when the world is asleep and I should be too. Night terrors pull me outside into the night, where my 14-year-old has to guide me back inside because my husband’s injuries keep him from reaching me quickly. My therapist reminds me that trauma has a way of showing its ugly head at the oddest times. What I’ve gone through has taken a toll, and it may take a long time before my past lets me rest.

Closing Reflection

My past may not let me rest easily, but each day I choose to keep walking forward. Healing in real time means honoring the good memories, releasing the painful ones, and trusting that peace will come—even if slowly.